Etiquette In Swinging
(Common Sense and Social Courtesy)
The following article was written by Kenn & Lisa, and sums up swingers' etiquette better than anything else I have found. It has been reprinted many times, but should be mandatory reading for any swingers, experienced or new:
All of us want to be successful as swingers. It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we swing. One of the nicest things about our lifestyle is that most of us relate to each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be treated. Think C.S.A.S.C. (Common Sense and Social Courtesy). If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should become a welcome participant.
1. BE COURTEOUS - Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated. Remember the Golden and Silver rules.
2. BE FRIENDLY - Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or
you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS - RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette and good social courtesy DEMAND you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR no.
4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED - When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. (it's amazing how many supplies, other than food are used up at an average party.) If you are not going as a couple, a house- gift is appropriate (and not necessarily wine.)
5. GO PREPARED - Take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.
6. CLEANLINESS - Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or unfresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO.
7. RESPECT OTHERS' FEELINGS - Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.
8. DON'T BE PUSHY - If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that.
9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU - Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO - One of the basic etiquettes in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, however, can lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No, thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.
11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS - Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over-indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX - It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.
13. CALL TO SAY THANKS - Most people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social ambiance of a 'Thank-You Note' or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to most people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next event. Don't you like to be thanked?
14. BE GOOD HOSTS - When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.
15. ANSWERING ADS - All replies to an ad should be answered in two weeks even if it is a No. Remember not all people you write to are interested in you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief description of yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number and your social and sexual interests. An SASE should be included with your original reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be costly to reply to.
16. ENJOY YOURSELF - Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.
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Swinging Ettiquette
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Forum Virgin
Like perhaps half of the members on this site we are newbies.
After reading a little about The Lifestyle and accepted ettiquette it seems that perhaps as the community grows the ettiquette drops?
So far we've had three messages sent to us. All of them we responded to and then.... nothing. No "thanks but no thanks". No "thanks for your message but we're not sure we'd be a match.." etc.. Just silence... In most circles this would be considered as rudeness, but for some reason for swingers it's normal behavior?
Anyway end rant... I guess the point is, we would encourage everyone to be considerate in their communication. I think we all know that no one is God's gift to mankind and that we're going to click with some and not others, that's understandable. The silent treatment is worse than 'rejection' - which we just see as the normal vetting process.
Anyone else have this experience, or is it just us? lol It's kind of off-putting for newbies. If it continues we're going to end up with a complex...lol
Well be kind and have fun! :-)
After reading a little about The Lifestyle and accepted ettiquette it seems that perhaps as the community grows the ettiquette drops?
So far we've had three messages sent to us. All of them we responded to and then.... nothing. No "thanks but no thanks". No "thanks for your message but we're not sure we'd be a match.." etc.. Just silence... In most circles this would be considered as rudeness, but for some reason for swingers it's normal behavior?
Anyway end rant... I guess the point is, we would encourage everyone to be considerate in their communication. I think we all know that no one is God's gift to mankind and that we're going to click with some and not others, that's understandable. The silent treatment is worse than 'rejection' - which we just see as the normal vetting process.
Anyone else have this experience, or is it just us? lol It's kind of off-putting for newbies. If it continues we're going to end up with a complex...lol
Well be kind and have fun! :-)
The only time we don't reply is when the person has obviously not read our profile ie no single males please as we find that replying starts an argument or an annoying chain of replies we don't want.
However we have found that many other ettiqette rules are broken. ie we invite a couple to play and they bring nothing. So far we haven't been invited to a play where the other couple hosts. Amazing how many people on this site cannot host! We can handle the food and drink part of a couple coming empty handed when we host but I think it is a bit off when a male with a large penis fails to bring condoms that will fit and then slyly says "Well I guess we will have to do it without the condom then?" In our house if it is not on- it is not on. So I have learnt to have condoms available in all sizes! It would also be nice if they brought along a sex toy or something (must be clean) or an idea for something new. Some people come to play and are just thinking, "what can you do for me" instead of thinking " What can I do for you?"
I also have noticed some people who make no effort to look good. They don't dress nicely, don't spend time with grooming and worst of all is when they smell. With some it is lack of dental hygene, with others they don't shower or wear deodorant etc and then there are the smokers who don't carry mints with them.
So there is a definite need for improvement.
We always spend time to look good and if we ever get an invite where someone else is hosting we will definitely bring along nibblies and grog, toys and ideas and condoms that fit!
Orgasminator
One reason some don't reply is because they can't. If one demographic is blocked from messaging, then they can message all they like, but the recipient does not even know you have tried. For example, I have single male profiles blocked from messaging me. If they message, I don't even receive it, let alone even know to answer it.
Also, unpaid members can only reply to a certain number of messages per day. This means they will return the messages of those that match most what they are after.
I also do not bother replying to messages where the sender has not bothered to read my profile
Forum Virgin
Newbie here..... A couple of things I've noticed is.....nice the guys and gals flirt in the room it's all fun but that's it .....its just fun. Please don't then bombard me with email/friend/....I wanna see ya pics requests. Guy above your right I don't reply to everyone because some people do not bother to even try to email you something interesting with written words. I've had guys send me mob # obviously horney and they want sex. Here we go again what's in it for me.....nothing......And please don't get me started on how many guys go on and on about their skills in eating pussy. Comes the time it's a quick 1 min job then they want hard banging....side note Yes totally attended to all personal hygiene and yes went much longer when it was my turn to reciprocate. And completely love the hard bang too but most guys cum too quick....I'm left going????
It's a crazy life and what's a gal gotta do about it. I'm wondering. ....Having said all that here I have chatted to some great gals and guys. I consider myself fortunate to meet such a diverse crowd xxx ?
Forum Virgin
Oh btw great guidelines up above......I have never, ever been invited somewhere and not brought something along. I wouldn't feel right about that.
Forum Virgin
Absolutely great advice for all couples who participate in activities that are not mainstream. Good for new members who are interested in meeting with others on this site. We always reply to messages that are sent to us even if we are not interested in meeting. It is polite to reply to messages and you may find that you are happy with the message that you receive. Good communication skills are vital to find out what you are looking for and its comforting to receive a polite message that is well communicated with information about what you are looking for that is written in a way that makes you respond quickly and effectively.
Warming the Bed
Great article and responses
Forum Virgin
We found that lots of couples do not even reply to our invitation for them to join us at a swingers party we are hosting tomorrow Saturday 3rd in Sydney, don’t be shy, we don’t bite.
