So.... Here goes nothing.
Wanted. Single married female, or group of nymphomaniac Roller Derby team mates to do unspeakable things to an old hairy / bald guy with a 2 inch cock and a large goiter on my neck plus a weepy thing that the doctors haven't identified yet. It's red, lumpy, and located somewhere that I can't really get a good look at it. Perhaps you could lance it for me? Must be within the ages of 18 to 27 1/2, weigh no more than 42kg, be between 4ft2 and 6ft9 in height, wear size 6 clothes and wear a 10E bra. Both tits must be perfectly symmetrical with nipples that are permanently hard and are at least 6 inches long. Must be natural blonde with the roots dyed black, and have a shaved pussy, but with a little hair shaved into a perfect representation of Edvard Munch's "The Scream". Must love anal with animatronic Disney characters and have an extensive collection of various coloured butt plugs all shaped like Robert from Everybody Loves Raymond. Must be willing to be filmed and shown to everyone down at the pub. Must have extensive penetrative sexual experience with a minimum of 100 different men. Must be a virgin. Must have references and a current pink slip. Victorias Secret or Bras 'n Things models need only apply. In the spirit of the very specific ads by some of the women and couples on here, which exclude 99% of the male population ie -
"Wanted, chinese male with one testicle and minimum 9 inch plus cock and 8 pack, with the ability to lick his own arse crack. Must be hairless except for scrotum and between 20 and 21 years old and over 7 feet tall. Must want to fuck my husband while I hit him with a bag of kiwi fruit, and be willing to be filmed by a trained Rhesus monkey smoking a cigar. Must live no more that 6 doors away from us, and be willing to pay for a hotel room before we meet."
"C'mon guys, it can't be that hard to find somebody who meets our criteria!"
I thought I'd try my own impossible ad and see how many genuine responses I get.
So.... Here goes nothing.
Wanted. Single married female, or group of nymphomaniac Roller Derby team mates to do unspeakable things to an old hairy / bald guy with a 2 inch cock and a large goiter on my neck plus a weepy thing that the doctors haven't identified yet. It's red, lumpy, and located somewhere that I can't really get a good look at it. Perhaps you could lance it for me? Must be within the ages of 18 to 27 1/2, weigh no more than 42kg, be between 4ft2 and 6ft9 in height, wear size 6 clothes and wear a 10E bra. Both tits must be perfectly symmetrical with nipples that are permanently hard and are at least 6 inches long. Must be natural blonde with the roots dyed black, and have a shaved pussy, but with a little hair shaved into a perfect representation of Edvard Munch's "The Scream". Must love anal with animatronic Disney characters and have an extensive collection of various coloured butt plugs all shaped like Robert from Everybody Loves Raymond. Must be willing to be filmed and shown to everyone down at the pub. Must have extensive penetrative sexual experience with a minimum of 100 different men. Must be a virgin. Must have references and a current pink slip. Victorias Secret or Bras 'n Things models need only apply.
So.... Here goes nothing.
Wanted. Single married female, or group of nymphomaniac Roller Derby team mates to do unspeakable things to an old hairy / bald guy with a 2 inch cock and a large goiter on my neck plus a weepy thing that the doctors haven't identified yet. It's red, lumpy, and located somewhere that I can't really get a good look at it. Perhaps you could lance it for me? Must be within the ages of 18 to 27 1/2, weigh no more than 42kg, be between 4ft2 and 6ft9 in height, wear size 6 clothes and wear a 10E bra. Both tits must be perfectly symmetrical with nipples that are permanently hard and are at least 6 inches long. Must be natural blonde with the roots dyed black, and have a shaved pussy, but with a little hair shaved into a perfect representation of Edvard Munch's "The Scream". Must love anal with animatronic Disney characters and have an extensive collection of various coloured butt plugs all shaped like Robert from Everybody Loves Raymond. Must be willing to be filmed and shown to everyone down at the pub. Must have extensive penetrative sexual experience with a minimum of 100 different men. Must be a virgin. Must have references and a current pink slip. Victorias Secret or Bras 'n Things models need only apply. 
