Hey all, ive been hanging out with this girl for abit now. She is great, having alot of fun together out of the bedroom.
Problem is when it comes to sex she seems to have no interest in it. Seeing as i like this girl i want to try and make it work but i would struggle to be with a girl with no sex drive as mine is quite high.
Help me out people, what suggestions do you have to try and get her more into the bedroom activities?
Cheers.
Your profile suggests you have a broad range of interests and tastes, so my first question would be does she have no interest in sex at all or is it just that her tastes are somewhat less adventurous than yours and that she is happy to be satisfied with a more "traditional" approach to sex? My second question is how old she is?
Popular wisdom has it that women's sexuality 'blossoms' as they age (hence the stereotype of the milf/cougar). Furthermore, she might not know that she is 'allowed' to do all those wild and wonderful things that fall within the scope of human sexuality. She may have been brought up to understand that sex means only one thing and that there is no pleasure to be gained from other activities (because they are 'wrong' or 'dirty' or 'bad' etc) . She might not be comfortable with and open to exploring her body and all the wonderful things it can do - there are lots of body image hang ups out there too which can manifest themselves in lack of sexual appetite. She might be pressed for time, or she may not feel that she has yet developed the level of intimacy required to fully commit herself to a deep sexual relationship. (I lived with my ex for 20 years and despite all that time was not able to communicate open and honestly about our sexuality together - had I been, I am sure we would still be together.) Or maybe, just maybe, she might not be all that into you.
And don't confuse the matter by equating 'frequency' (ie how often you have sex) with 'quality' (the intensity of the sexual experience). You might find that your 'high sex drive' is nothing more than a quick empty out for you as often as you feel like it, whilst her 'seems to have no interest' is actually 'would rather do it less frequently but for hours on end'. Perhaps she is saying to her girlfriends, "I quite like this guy but he seems to have no interest in pleasing me, he just wants to blow and go, and frankly, who could be bothered with that?"
One thing is for sure, the answer to your problem involves communication, at all levels. It will be hard work and will take time. Ask yourself, are you willing to put yourself out there and lay your own self on the line by investing in this relationship. I feel that you need to invest the time now in really finding out what makes her tick, on all levels, and hopefully she will also do the same for you. She might in fact be the perfect partner for you, and you may grow and explore a beautiful future together. Or it really might be a fundamental lack of compatibility. It is a chance you take - and apart from all that, it is possible to live in a sexually incompatible relationship. Many people do. It's bloody hard, but sometimes the other things make putting aside your own individual desires worthwhile.
I hope it works for you.
G'day mate
I ponder whether it is because she does not feel as loved as she needs to be, in order to give herself totally to the world of pleasurable sex with you
Might I suggest you chase up a book called "the 5 love languages"
My feeling is that she may not feel as loved as you think she is, simply because she has a different way of looking at "am I being loved?"
Also - communication between the two of you to fully describe what you want and how do you want it - needs to become an essential part of your lovemaking
Another side of lovemaking is the old saying - helping around the house is foreplay
ps- Ms T ... what an excellent response to the Q
gee ... some times, time out is needed to recharge the body, and have seen a rebirth of a woman is what she was may years ago, then again I must confess my work commitments may have had a lot to do with it, long hours at work don't help, and I failed to see that. Money isn't everything and love should not come to an end.
Well one thing you say that you are with a girl but your profile states your single , now there is one issue on your side straight up , maybe it may not just be her
Melbcpl01
well, 'hanging out with' and being in a relationship with someone are two different things. I agree that communication is keuy though. You may end up as best friends and just forget about the sex if its too hard. Men and women can be friends without sex
wow, some great replies, thanks.
mstwiddle - thanks for the effort in your reply. In answer to your reply, she seems to have no interest in it at all. The rare times we have, she does seem to enjoy it though, but yeah, no interest in it. When it does happen, yes it is very standard, she doesnt like me going down on her and i find myself doing all the work.
melbcpl - as haidee said, two different things, its not a relationship yet.
Friendzone... you're in it!
