I don't know what we want.

27 Nov 2012

I read the basic code of ethics and between the people I met, my wife and myself I think we broke all of them, and the ones we did' nt were not appropriate to the situation! But again after all that happens is my wife gets mmf, I get a thrill but not what I want, I feel so empty inside. Ok yes this was a fantasy I though could expand our love and our world. But now I feel so depressed. We are a good looking couple, I have been a member of red hot pie and now swingers heaven. I first started and got millions of singles guys pleading to fuck my wife. And yes we had mmf to start the ball rolling, I was basically the Back seat of the act yet made it great sex even though the other male was way sad when it came to the sex sad

Ok so what do we want in life I gues? I go out with my wife for a drink or at a band/ dance and all that happens is she lands guys for sex so young it's jut amazing yet I tell her tonight it's about you and me no one else. yet find her kissing on he dance floor with a 22 year old guy. 26 years younger than her. I want trust and I feel I am loosing the one thing I love in my life, yes I have 6 kids but I want my life with mypartner. I only wont the odd encounter yet she wants more than I can even understand! I have had many women want me. Yes they kissed and tried so many things and I wanted to but my wife was so against any out side of marriage sex. I still to this day have never been with anyone but her since we met. Yes even last week the most beautiful curly blonde women you could meet kissed endlessly with me, as my wife had another guy ask for the same, she did and I am ok I think with this as it was equal. But he got her number and I just loved the moment. Last week we went out and she attracted several men one who would not stop touching her ass and got her number and left only to call over and over for mmf, I said no but after some time I agreed as they both wanted it. It was the first time I ever found it hard to keep my penus hard. Am I just over this ideas of better sex or is it more. I feel so depressed. I lost someone so close to me a few years ago and I don't want to go in to detail but i have never got over it and this is why I want to live life to the full, its not how you die it's how you lived that makes your life full! I don't want to leave my wife but how can this work for both of us? I just want love sex and friends. If I don't like a guy who comes on to her she just won't let go, but If I like a girl it just seems so complex she wont help, and i don't care if sex comes or not. I just can't win. Am I to easy going yet I gt more and more angry and this is not me and this makes me sad. What should I do?

27 Nov 2012

Sounds to me like it's back to the drawing board for both of you. Swinging is NOT about anything goes- swinging has rules and parameters and an understanding of what can happen within those boundaries, and what is a deal breaker. Swinging is about communication between yourselves, first and foremost, about what has worked for you and about what you don't want, and about how you can continue to grow and develop through this together, not just selfishly satisfy individual needs and desires. There are things that I know I would enjoy doing as part of a swinging situation that my husband does not feel comfortable with, so, out of respect to our relationship (not because he says no) we don't allow these things to happen. Likewise, I have asked him to observe certain behaviours and courtesies when meeting others as well. Together we do these things because we value US. After all, this whole thing is about how we function together as a team, not how many things we can tick off a bucket list or how many notches we can put on our bedpost. If we do this to enrich or relationship, by allowing each other to explore our own sexual identities, then what is central is the process of communication. Your post sounds sad, confused, exasperated and perhaps a bit desperate in the sense that you fear control of the situation is slipping from your grasp. You've said here what you want - have you said it to your wife? It sounds to me that for you it's not working at the moment - and frankly, due to the sheer gender number imbalance it is always going to be that more men will contact you than couples or other women. You cannot change this part of it, but you CAN change the way you as a couple respond to these approaches. Although none of us can actually know for sure what is going on in your life, I would say that the first course of action would be to stop. Completely. Stop talking here, stop anything to do with meeting others. Clear out phone numbers, chat contact lists etc. remove yourselves from the situation, and take stock of where you are and what you want. This will be hard and painful, potentially. It may not be something you can come back from. I think it is hard for most men to understand exactly the thrill arising from the constant male attention, flattery and desire - who would willingly give this up? But if together you decide that it is worth pursuing your lives together as a couple, then you need to establish how you can incorporate others into your life, and if indeed if that's really what you want to do. What are YOUR ground rules? How will you evaluate each and every encounter? What are your criteria for meeting people - do you both have to agree? Or do you take it in turns to choose? What are your limits? What's your "safe word"? ( a concept from the world of bdsm, which says that everything stops there and then if it is too much for you to cope with - but applicable in an everyday context, I feel, because after all this too is about trust in your partner and in their love and respect for you and your needs/limits/wishes.) If it all sounds clinical and forced - well to some extent it is. You do need to negotiate a "contract" in order to continue. Hopefully, this is done in a loving and supportive way which recognises the thrills and excitement of involving others, but sees that this is secondary to your own intimate connection. If you are not able to clearly express what YOU want for you as a couple, as well as your individual desires, and to allow her the same opportunity to outline her needs, and then use this as the framework for your continued involvement, then I'd be suggesting that your relationship will be headed for a rocky path. I wish you the best of luck in sorting this out. And, respectfully, taking charge of your own life and dealing with your own sadness may also help in clarifying what you want out of life and whether swinging is part of it - it is sometimes worthwhile seeking support from professional services, and might be less confusing than advice given by random strangers on the net. Take care, both of you.

29 Nov 2012

swinging in its purest form has at the center of the exercise equity for all . no matter what the self indulgent folks of this site want to promote if one or the other partner dont feel happy about any aspect of swinging , and truth be told thats not mmf . you feel left out and replaced this isnt the way it should be and successful couples have great sex life and care to share that. without equity marriages fail relationships get burnt and no one should be here without the support and shared interest even acceptance of their partner . there obviously are couples where one or the other likes to watch but as long as that person is satisfied from that and not feeling left out or culled from the play . having referred to it as play it is supposed to be fun for all not just one and a flinger . time to pull the pin and start over with what is acceptable and whats not the rules must be designed to protect your principle relationship not a free ride to others at your expense. we really wish you the best in finding some resolution , dont take to much notice of people who arent in stable loving relationships they only serve there own interests. swinging isnt for everyone the risks and rewards are high communication is vital, we know of many who the husband wasnt keen at all to have other ride his wife and he isnt involved or the wife didnt want other men but allowed the hubby to have other women if this is to work it has to be equitable in term s of each persons expectation and outcomes. good luck mate

29 Nov 2012

It all comes down to communication between each other. If your wife loves you why would she want you to feel bad. Speaking for myself I am a voyeristic cuckold. How that eventuated was I love seeing my wife enjoy herself as I love her to bits. She on the other hand is very possessive of me. So for us this is the path we have taken. But this was through communication and what would work for us. The whole idea is to have fun and enjoy yourself. By what you are saying it seems you are not. Speak to her, not to the forum. Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't understand she is hurting you that's sad.

29 Nov 2012

mate, id sit her down and say if we dont play with couples we dont play at all. nice and simple. we play equally, if were both not getting what we want then nobody gets any. if one says no then its no.

29 Nov 2012

well i must say the 3 words in heading is a must for us . I think if you had the time to sit down and trust in all strangers here to spill your feelings too ,and not you number 1 love and life as you say (your wife) then i think these 3 words might be absent in your life together. If you felt you couldnt say these things to your wife i dont think this "ultimate expression of love trust and respect of each other " is really suited to you both . to be able to share in each others sexual fantasy and sexual desires is one thing but to share these with other people takes a strong unconditional love with a whole lot of trust and respect thrown in. you really need to sit down with your wife and revaluate your love ,trust and respect for each you can do this playing in the world of fantasy and exploring sexual desires with others is just going to ruin what relationship you both might have left. TRUST in each other to communicate no matter what the issue and to be able to be truthfull with feelings RESPECT each other to except each others boundries no matter how strong the desire to push them LOVE this must be unconditional no matter how bad things get this unconditional love will never end Goodluck go talk smile

Colt